


What the Fuck, Hajime.

by strawberrylark



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, M/M, iwa learns what kinning is, just them being dumb i guess, king julien from madagascar is mentioned, madagascar??, no beta we die like men, oikawa is horrified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28971732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrylark/pseuds/strawberrylark
Summary: Oikawa finds Iwaizumi watching Madagascar 2, much to his horror. He has to explain what kinning is to his boyfriend. Iwaizumi kin assigns Oikawa as King Julien.help why did i write this,,,,, dee and mikko and sofia this is for you i am going to hell or smthn for this please appreciate it
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> why did i write this.  
> please enjoy this,, it’s split into two chapters just because they’re like different portions of the moment ig that’s mostly just to keep it neat for me but yea they both happen the same night theres prolly like a 30 min jump between them??

“Iwa-chan!” I sing his name, carrying a glass in each hand out of the kitchen. _Yikes, that was pitchy._ “I brought you some-“ I’m stopped straight in my tracks by the sight of a grey lemur with an extravagant headdress on my television screen.   
Iwa looks back at me with a look of pure innocence on his face. “Oh is that juice?” he asks, leaning over the back of the couch to swipe a glass. I shuffle backwards before his fingers make contact with the chilled beverage. “Bitchykawa, give me the juice or not even god can help you.”  
I shake my head slowly, eyes still fixed to the screen. “Iwaizumi. Light of my life. Owner of my entire heart. My dearest, dearest boyfriend. What the _fuck_ are you watching.”  
Iwaizumi glanced back at the TV, then looked at me with a puzzled expression. “Madagascar 2?” No hints of shame or remore in his voice? Who was this creature and what had he done with the asshole I knew and loved?  
“Let me get this straight,” I said, setting the glasses down on the coffee table and sagging into the couch. Iwa wiggled his fingers like a child as he reached for his beloved juice, but I pushed it further away from him. “No, this is important,” I protested as he shot me a withering look. “So you’re telling me, that you, Hajime Iwaizumi, are watching Madagascar 2. Of your own free will.”  
He stared at me blankly. “Yes?” He blinked. “It’s the best Madagascar movie… is that an issue?”  
I brought my fingers to my temples. Oh, this was too for me. “Okay, I’m going to ignore that part because the third movie is _obviously_ the best,” I managed to choke out in a pained breath. “I just- I thought I knew you, Hajime! Who are you?”  
He rolled his eyes and gave my head a playful push, finally grabbing his juice. “Dude, I love you, but are you seriously this freaked out over me watching Madagascar?” I leaned into his side, staring up at him as he gleefully downed the juice. His eyes met mine and he choked, beginning to shake with coughing and laughter from the pure misery in my eyes.  
“HAJIME! This is not funny!” I sputtered, patting him on the back until he could breathe normally again.  
“Okay, okay, no, this is serious,” he agreed mirthfully. “Yeah, I, uh…” He drifted off, his mouth moving silently as he tried to find the right justify this horrendous act to me. “I just like the movies, I guess?” he finally confessed. I gaped at him and he hid his face with the hand that had been on my shoulder a moment ago. “Stop looking at me like that! They just are fun, I dunno.”  
I weaseled my way back under his arm and placed a hand on his hoodie-covered chest. “Babe,” I sighed, “I love you, but you really confuse me sometimes.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey babe?” I tilt my head up to look at Iwa, his brows furrowed as he watches the TV screen.  
“Yeah, Iwa-chan?”  
“What’s, uh… ‘kinning?’”  
I freeze for a moment, before scooting further down the couch and resting my head in my hands. Am I on the verge of laughing or sobbing? Who knows. All I currently know is that this combined with the shock of Iwa watching this movie in the first place is way, way too much for me.  
“Well, Iwa,” I breathe, forcing myself to sit up. “Kinning is… well. Fuck. Okay, kinning is when you uh, you really relate to a character? Like you’re like oh their personality and their experiences? That’s _totally_ me, y’know? That make sense?”  
He nodded, still looking a bit upset. “Yeah, thanks.”  
I reached my foot out to nudge his leg. “You okay?”  
He seems to notice that he’s been glaring a bit and shakes his head, more to focus himself than as an answer. “Yeah, sorry, I was just- you’re a King Julien kinnie.”  
“What the absolute, literal _fuck_.”  
There are actual tears in my eyes right now. I’m just- I can’t form words. I can’t form _thoughts_. The love of my life just stared me dead in the eyes and told me, with absolute certainty, that I kin a fruity, self-obsessed animated lemur. What does one do in this situation? Has anyone ever been in this situation before? Do I break up with him? Is this a declaration of love?  
He points at the screen. “Seriously, no, he reminds me of you! And,” he gestured quickly at the other, stouter grey lemur. “Maurice, that’s me! Because you’re a dramatic motherfucker and I’m the only one who can understand you half of the time! Plus, doesn’t that shrimpy ginger call you the Great King? It fits!”  
I just stare at him for a moment, before grabbing my empty glass and standing up. “I’m… I’m breaking up with you, Iwaizumi, I swear to god.” I start walking towards the kitchen in a daze. I hear Iwa’s heavy footsteps following me, but I just keep going to the sink, setting my glass against the bottom with a _clink_.  
I feel a strong pair of arms wrap around my waist. “Hey, babe, Oikawa, are you actually mad?” I turn to face him, reaching my hands up to loosely cup his face.   
“Yes,” I whisper, staring into his eyes. “I am pissed at you right now, Hajime, because you just told me I’m like some fruity little lemur bitch.” A sheepish grin starts to creep over his face. I drag one hand down to tug on the strings of his hoodie, before leaning my head into his chest with a resigned sigh. “The worst part is,” I groan, “you’re _right_.”  
I feel him shake with a deep chuckle as he places his chin on my head. “Hey, King Julien is my favorite character. He’s funny as shit.”  
“I love you, fuckass,” I mumble.  
I can feel him smile into my hair.  
“I love you too, Bitchykawa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end,,,,, i’m so sorry for that


End file.
